Welcome To Patty's blog

its been day 2 that we been order to stay at home for 14 days till the virus convid-19 can be control. for me i've always stay at home for almost 2 months already. its because i waiting for my posting teaching that should be on February but been delayed to march and now delayed again because of this virus. maybe early april then i can finally start teaching but still not sure. with a lot of debts and problem especially finance, i really need to get back to work for solving all my problem. hoping the best future after this.

Day by day trying to live Trying to breath Trying to walk step by step But step getting harder and harder Try to do something else Try to be a normal as possible Try to be what others do Try to have something that make me keep the faith Try Trying Tried Now i am tired Tired of trying I dont know my life goes like this just because i'm not trying enough or because its my excuse for my lame life Just trying to and trying till the end of my day... p/s: When i'm excited to pull out my feeling into words suddenly black out in my office. Thats really stop my excitement so thats why my post I end just like that.

i spent my last day on my 25th years old by looking in the mirror and see my own reflection. suddenly a lot of question come out of nowhere. what did i achieve in my 25 years life.what i have. why i still here. when is my time. what. why. how. when. and so on. feel so tired and blur. my mood is unstable. how ever, thank to God..i still live in this world. i still have family and friend and last but least i have job that can satisfy my need not my dream. so my life is not empty after all. being a human i think is normal to be greedy sometimes and jealous to other. dont know what to write anymore, i think tonight i'm gonna pray for my birthday. never give up on miracles. there is hope in every thing cuz there is light in the dark.  

I would like to talk about the fake people, plastic face or people that wear a mask in their daily life. Wow, for the first time I meet the master of disguise. Me look so innocent kan. My mom said, there more people like that in the world so dont terlebih suprise becomes that kind people are the most common people that u will meet along your life so always be prepared. How?and When?... anytime and anywhere. DTA (Dont Trust Anybody). Ok thats all for the advice. Back to my story, there one or two people that i knew were very nice people and caring for other but They Were Not. They will stab in ur back anytime they get chance. They will do anything to make sure their image dont ruin (there is now wrong about that) but dont ever put ur blame to other. Its so so not nice to do. U mistake, take it, your job, do it, dont make any excuses or point your finger to other because other can show their middle finger to you. Ur people are still safe and alive in this world not because you were aweso...

people said we will became close when we stay together in one house for a long period. somehow i believe that but when i face the reality, that 'said' are not fully correct. i didnt know my mistake or whyshe hate me or thats the way she are. my roomate @ housemate that i live together almost two years became stranger to me. she took away my trust just as she move out from the house. make it more dramatic, today when i saw her with her friend, she just ignore me and pretend that she doesnt see me at all. thats the way our ending. for me, i just let it go and make it one of lesson in my journey. what a strange world that i live for almost 26 years.

Never thought that I'm gonna lost someone that I love, One by one, the one I love leave me behind, Until there is no one that wait or beside me, Thats when I realize that, I walk alone in this journey, Feel so tired doing all things alone, Feel the road is no end, No hope, Feel useless because got that feeling there is no one waiting for me in the end of the road, Really feel wanna stop this journey and stop walking, But then I open the Bible, Read the word from God, 'Who said Ur walk alone, who said there is no one wait for you, who said there is no one beside you, God, Jesus Christ is always beside and wait, Still have faith for me in the end of the road, He said, if I feel tired, just stop a while and continue walking, But never give up, There so much to learn in this journey, The obstacle, the sadness, the sorrow, The title of our lesson, Have faith in God, Never stop believing, God, forgive me for I sometimes doesn't have faith, in you and myse...

every week, Monday is the very dislike day for me..well, i got so much relax and fun in Sunday but have to come on Monday to work. and the worst Monday of all, today got an audit..means there will someone or like judges come to evaluate my work but its not my work all this time. its somebody work that i have to temporary replace while she absent. all the #$%^& file that i really don't understand will be my job and the file is important for the audit. so really benci today monday. i feel like want to take leave but orang bilang sudah tanggungjawab, running away its not solution. so apapun happen today, kena marah ka kena tengok lain macam ka kena cakap nda pandai buat keja ka, wat ever la kan...i will accept it with a swollen face. i hope the best. its not that I'm so brave or what but i believe God will be by my side when its my hardest day. so think of that my mood became calm. smile and silence is the perfect act to do right now. ^^