Thursday, November 14, 2013


Day by day trying to live
Trying to breath
Trying to walk step by step
But step getting harder and harder

Try to do something else
Try to be a normal as possible
Try to be what others do
Try to have something that make me keep the faith
Try Trying Tried
Now i am tired
Tired of trying
I dont know my life goes like this just because i'm not trying enough
or because its my excuse for my lame life

Just trying to and trying
till the end of my day...

p/s: When i'm excited to pull out my feeling into words suddenly black out in my office. Thats really stop my excitement so thats why my post I end just like that.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

last day 25th

i spent my last day on my 25th years old by looking in the mirror and see my own reflection. suddenly a lot of question come out of nowhere. what did i achieve in my 25 years life.what i have. why i still here. when is my time. what. why. how. when. and so on. feel so tired and blur. my mood is unstable. how ever, thank to God..i still live in this world. i still have family and friend and last but least i have job that can satisfy my need not my dream. so my life is not empty after all. being a human i think is normal to be greedy sometimes and jealous to other. dont know what to write anymore, i think tonight i'm gonna pray for my birthday. never give up on miracles. there is hope in every thing cuz there is light in the dark.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Fake People

I would like to talk about the fake people, plastic face or people that wear a mask in their daily life. Wow, for the first time I meet the master of disguise. Me look so innocent kan. My mom said, there more people like that in the world so dont terlebih suprise becomes that kind people are the most common people that u will meet along your life so always be prepared. How?and When?... anytime and anywhere. DTA (Dont Trust Anybody). Ok thats all for the advice. Back to my story, there one or two people that i knew were very nice people and caring for other but They Were Not. They will stab in ur back anytime they get chance. They will do anything to make sure their image dont ruin (there is now wrong about that) but dont ever put ur blame to other. Its so so not nice to do. U mistake, take it, your job, do it, dont make any excuses or point your finger to other because other can show their middle finger to you. Ur people are still safe and alive in this world not because you were awesome or invincible or people scare of you but there were law and prison. so be thankful for that. chow~~~

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


people said we will became close when we stay together in one house for a long period. somehow i believe that but when i face the reality, that 'said' are not fully correct. i didnt know my mistake or whyshe hate me or thats the way she are. my roomate @ housemate that i live together almost two years became stranger to me. she took away my trust just as she move out from the house. make it more dramatic, today when i saw her with her friend, she just ignore me and pretend that she doesnt see me at all. thats the way our ending. for me, i just let it go and make it one of lesson in my journey. what a strange world that i live for almost 26 years.

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Stop By

Never thought that I'm gonna lost someone that I love,
One by one, the one I love leave me behind,
Until there is no one that wait or beside me,
Thats when I realize that,
I walk alone in this journey,
Feel so tired doing all things alone,
Feel the road is no end,
No hope,
Feel useless because got that feeling there is no one waiting for me in the end of the road,
Really feel wanna stop this journey and stop walking,
But then I open the Bible,
Read the word from God,
'Who said Ur walk alone,
who said there is no one wait for you,
who said there is no one beside you,
God, Jesus Christ is always beside and wait,
Still have faith for me in the end of the road,
He said, if I feel tired,
just stop a while and continue walking,
But never give up,
There so much to learn in this journey,
The obstacle, the sadness, the sorrow,
The title of our lesson,
Have faith in God,
Never stop believing,
God, forgive me for I sometimes doesn't have faith,
in you and myself.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

monday mood

every week, Monday is the very dislike day for me..well, i got so much relax and fun in Sunday but have to come on Monday to work. and the worst Monday of all, today got an audit..means there will someone or like judges come to evaluate my work but its not my work all this time. its somebody work that i have to temporary replace while she absent. all the #$%^& file that i really don't understand will be my job and the file is important for the audit. so really benci today monday. i feel like want to take leave but orang bilang sudah tanggungjawab, running away its not solution. so apapun happen today, kena marah ka kena tengok lain macam ka kena cakap nda pandai buat keja ka, wat ever la kan...i will accept it with a swollen face. i hope the best. its not that I'm so brave or what but i believe God will be by my side when its my hardest day. so think of that my mood became calm. smile and silence is the perfect act to do right now. ^^

Thursday, April 26, 2012

just wanna kill the time

i really feel bored right now so i'm going to write about anything. bisuk is saturday and yet i dont plan anything maybe i just stay in my house, watching tv or kacau somebody. then sunday, going to church before that attend sunday class. i think i'm to old for sunday school but what to do, its  my fault because tidak finish kan everything when i'm still teenager. between that time is my hardest year. when i look back right now, i feel that myself on 5 years ago really brave and strong. i really shock why i survive that year but i think because i know God is always beside me. thats why i still here and living a fine life. not an awesome life or prefect but just nice life. i got family that always stick together even we seldom meet each other, i got my friend and i mean a lot of a good friend then i got job that can make my life go on. so i think i live a very normal life and thats how i think how God make my life. His plan is so wisdom and perfect on His own way.
'expect the unexpected' is the word that in my mind. when i feel that there no peluang for me then suddenly i see the stars. i got the peluang in attending exam for ptd. well, i dont know how the upcoming but that chance in life. so i'm going to try my very best this time. all my worries i give to God so that i can do well and dont have any stress in doing my exam in two weeks later. i think im gonna watch korean drama.. love rain...